Learning in the silence
I wanted to write something deep for you. And I have been torturing myself mentally all week trying and waiting for God to give me that something profound that would make you stop and think while you’re standing in line at the supermarket cashier or sitting on the subway on the way home.
But I came up with nothing. God gave me nothing.
And I know that’s almost a blasphemous statement to make but it’s the way I have been feeling for a while; like I am calling out to God for an answer and I’m getting nothing.
Lord is this job you gave me really what you want me to be doing with my life? And if so, why is it that I feel such a strong pull to something else?
Lord, do you want me to quit and go become a missionary?
How about a writer? I always enjoyed doing that.
Zip. Nada. Zilch.
The silence is almost deafening. At least it seems that way to me. Especially when I hear other people talk about how God speaks to them. How they hear a voice telling them what to do. Really? You hear voices? Maybe you should get that checked out.
Or maybe I’m just jealous. I know that God talks to us all in different ways and we should use the bible as a guide for our lives. But after you get the foundation stuff, like not lying, or stealing, or coveting what comes next? What about those big questions you can’t exactly look up in a concordance?
I know friends struggling with these questions as well. One is struggling with whether she and her husband should adopt a child from another country. Another is still trying to figure out when or if she will have a husband. How do we know when we should move, and when we should wait? When God is calling us, as opposed to when we are calling ourselves.
In looking for answers I stumbled onto an Amazing Facts Inside Report, where Alan Parker talks about hearing God’s voice. The first thing he says we should do is “Set out on a passionate revelation of God himself.”
“We often start out by asking, God, what do you want me to do with my life?,” he says. “Yet that’s the wrong question. Our first request should be, God, show me Yourself. Help me see You as You really are.”
If you’re like me, you’ll probably say you already know God. But as I think about my own life, and the amount of time that I have spent with God – not with Christian music, or Christian friends, or in church – but the personal time I have spent with God, knowing Him more each day, I realize that I’ve been slacking.
But Parker doesn’t stop there. He also says we need to know who we are.
“When you see yourself as you really are, your heart opens up to God’s call to you….When God calls you, He confronts you. Perhaps you’ve been holding onto a harmful relationship, pride, or fear that people will reject the real you. If you are to be used by God, you must confront who you really are. The things that disqualify you as God’s chosen must be sacrificed. Until that happens, the things that bind you will also silence God’s voice.”
What things are binding me that could be silencing God’s voice? Do I really see myself the way I really am, the way God sees me? Do you? Essentially it comes down to surrender – surrendering all of me to all of who God is, and knowing what that means. It is not easy, and it takes time – but I suspect it is the beginning to answers for my many questions.
Will explore further.