Messages from Young Adults

instead. now.

i thought i loved you
when i looked out at all the
pretty things
in this world
and felt the sun kiss my back
and watched the stars burn through
the holes pierced in space

i thought I knew you
a kind, benevolent father
a gentle teacher
an oil painting reproduced in my storybooks
a curious being
unable to be fathomed
too big to wrap my arms around
the author/creator of chaos and light

i thought i had you
nailed down to a neat little definition
folded up in my back pocket
ready to be savored
and then fluttered from my lips
whenever the questions began to rise
like water in a swollen creek

i thought i felt you
when the lights flickered
then died
and the ground shook beneath my feet
and someone screamed
and my heart shattered into a million pieces
when the tears were nothing but
salty diamonds

but then i heard of you
a whisper that slowly crumbled
the concrete encasement
an increasing pain that soaked
through the numbness
that stunning brightness that
finally woke me up

you faced death for me
without any hope of an easy
shortcut out of the dismal agony
you plunged into the void of the grave
not sure if you would make it to the other side
your cry of “my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken Me??”
echoed through the universe
rattled your dried-up ribs
and siphoned up the fear of millions of us
who were destined to die
you stared hell in the face
willing to go forward and disappear forever
on behalf of me
someone who you passionately loved
who was etched in your memory
who you refused to let go
you faced death for me
and my mind cannot comprehend it
my words
my offering
my tears
my gratitude
are worthless

i simply love you because you were not afraid to
defeat dragons
that desperately wished to tear me apart

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